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MOTIVATE YOUR CHILD

It is a fine line we tread as parents between being motivational or pushy with our kids. How can we be supportive and help them when they hit an obstacle or are lacking that drive to succeed?

1 Take an interest

This is a great first step and it seems so obvious. Ask your child how their class was straight after it has finished. Was it fun, hard what were the highlights and so on. Try to avoid questions that will generate a one-word answer. Get them talking and engaging with you for ages after the class has ended. If you can watch their class and talk about the movements. Even play dumb, if need be, and get them to explain it to you. Be the student and get them to be the Sensei. Talk about how great they looked during the partner work in class or how that kick they have been working on looked fantastic. You must let them know you noticed their hard work and you can see them getting better and better.

2 Schedule practice time

If your child is struggling to practice at home it is time to make it more engaging. Get them to show you something they learned in class, or get them to teach you. This is a fun way to learn from a different angle. For the kids that love media film them on your phone and look back at their practice with hem. Use this to pinpoint things they could focus on when the practice. “See your knee, lift it a bit higher. Doesn’t Sensei say that makes you kick easier?” You know your child better than anyone so use their interests to create fun at home practice experiences anytime.

3 Table talk

The dinner table provides you with a great space to ask about life skill values that have been talked about in class and what they mean. Use this time to reinforce the principles. Bring up keywords, ask for examples. Show your child how these values have a place not only at the dojo but in all aspects of their lives.

4 Commitment

Kids are curious little beings. They like to look and experience many different things. Which sometimes makes it difficult for them to stick at one thing. It is important though to instil the value of commitment. If your child reaches a point in their martial arts journey where they have to miss some classes, or even quit altogether, this is a great time to have a chat about why. Use this time to share with them the value of commitment. Do they want to skip class because they don’t enjoy it as much as something else? Or is it something else that can be easily remedied?

5 Don’t compare

Everyone learns at different speeds. Everyone has different physical and sometimes mental limitations. It is important that if your child discusses their efforts in comparison to others that you stress these facts. Redirect the conversation to the positivity around themselves and how they did. Frustrations and disappointments may occur, this is normal. This is part of life. Talk to your child about the root of their frustration and calmly help them to create a positive relationship with their feelings.

6 You are not alone

Sometimes the martial arts world can seem daunting. Especially if you have never done anything like that yourself. But don’t forget you are not alone. Speak with other parents. Form training groups to instil fun practice. Set up playdates with outside of class. Take full advantage of the support system in place at the club. Query the instructors on anything to do with training, motivation etc

7 One size does not fit all

Please do not forget this. What works for one child will not necessarily work for another. The instructors at your school know this oh too well. You have to find the balance between being supportive but pushy. Given the option, the couch is usually the preference. So step up and make them do something and then use this to build them up.

I have never heard anyone complain about being pushed and getting their black belt. Never once. However many students have needed motivation and a push now and then to get there. Work together with your child when challenges arise. Tread the line carefully and watch them flourish.

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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR KIDS WANT TO QUIT KARATE?

Every once in a while you are going to hear your kids complain about going to classes when involved in the Martial Arts. It is the same as going to school in the morning or going to work. Some days we just don’t want to.

As a parent, you get tired of the battle and hearing your kids using phrases such as “I don’t like karate anymore?”, “I don’t want to go to class today” and “can I stay just stay home instead?” This causes the thought process that your kids are not enjoying it so they should be allowed to just quit.

However, before you agree to this you need to consider the reasons why they don’t want to do martial arts, and for that matter, any other sport. There are two main reasons why kids want to quit karate. Both of them have to do with a type of “fear”.

REASON 1. FEAR OF COMMITMENT

It was not too long ago when they started classes. A new uniform, new people, brand new belt and thoughts of being a real-life superhero. But after they start class, their enthusiasm drops. Their first few months they did burpees, push-ups, star jumps. Did some punches and kicks but they did not become a superhero and did not get their black belt. Maybe they have had a short holiday break. Now their enthusiasm drops but not their desire to achieve their goals. The desire is still there. They still do want to be a superhero or get their black belt. The problem is that they have not experienced INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

As adults, we get it. Nothing in life is simple and comes fast. Worthwhile things take time and effort. The question you still have though “is it worth pushing your kids to continue?”. The answer is not simple either: It depends. It all depends on the lesson that you want them to learn.

Assuming you are happy with the school, the instructors and you see other students achieve success then the only thing left to figure out is the ultimate goal.

QUALITY TAKES TIME AND EFFORT

Is the goal to teach them patience? Awesome. You should be teaching them this lesson. If this is the case then it is worth it to keep pushing them. Talk to your instructor before making a decision you might regret, and just because your kids want to quit karate. That’s not enough. Let the sensei’s know what the kids are going through and their lack of enthusiasm. 

Your kids will mask this fear by saying phrases like:

“I don’t like the class anymore”

“I am bored, I don’t understand what they teach there”

“I rather play another sport”

Think about it like this: when YOU went to high school, college or beyond, did you like it all? Were you happy the whole time? Were there moments you did not understand a subject, things were not clear to you? Have you considered switching careers? Do you remember having doubts?

These feelings are very normal, but as adults, we know quality takes time and effort. Giving up too early will not pay off in the end. A good instructor has no issues with dealing with the knowledge that students may be struggling. It is their job. 

PUT IT THIS WAY, NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU A CERTIFICATE ON GIVING UP OR QUITTING

But I am tired of hearing them whine about it. Trust your instructor. Talk to them about how the kids are feeling. Ask them for help and let them know that you have their back. The key is unity and a unified message being given.

When you signed your kids up there was a reason. A goal. Let your kids know their feelings are valid, and that they are simply experiencing fear of committing to a long term goal. The benefit will be there. When they finally achieve their black belt, you will hear the gratitude from them. they will not complain about you encouraging them to keep going. I have never met any blackbelt that regrets achieving it. A black belt is equivalent to saying “I don’t give up even when it gets challenging. I see it through.” 

Think about it this way. What do you want to see that on an adults CV? Would you rather see “I never keep my promises.” and “When the going gets tough I just will quit.”

REASON 2: FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

Martial Arts is a team affair. We need the support of the sensei’s, the students and the parents. But what happens when you just let them go at the first sign of them getting bored? Do you want to teach them that when things get tough in life they can simply ask and expect you to bail them out? We can all agree that is probably not what we expect when they grow up.

If we all know these things will happen we want to make an agreement between the parents and students and instructors so everyone understands we are all in this together. The agreement is simple: we will guide you to your goal of being a black belt, but when you are tired you are not allowed to give up.

Many many things can change a child’s desire to train in the Martial Arts:

“They don’t like exercising”

“They don’t like someone else in the class”

“It is too hard”

“They don’t want to practice”

“They want to do another activity now that they will do for a short time and then leave it as well”

The difference between karate and other activities is that karate teaches you to be disciplined. The hardest part of having discipline is staying the course. So parents say “I want my child to learn to be more disciplined“, then let them quit which is, in fact, the complete opposite of what hey brought them to learn. Children don’t understand about staying on course for a long term goal. It is our jobs as parents and educators to show them.

“They have other activities [insert anything here] that are on at the same time.”. They could be football, rugby, dance, singing, etc. Guess what, this resembles life in general. You may have work, school, family, other commitments, and managing all these does not get easier, each one requires some part of your busy schedule. When working out the schedule of what they want to do ask yourself what you want them to learn. Now which activity best suits those lessons. Then make the time. 

Showing our kids the meaning of Martial Arts will always be more valuable than letting them quit. No one ever learned anything from quitting, except that it is easy. Next time you hear about quitting it is a great opportunity to educate.

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About student levels and progress

The different levels in SMA KARATE. As part of our overall approach to age and skill appropriate learning we have broken up our curriculum into various levels. Every level is a step progress in complexity and effort required.

Level 0 & Level 1 are aimed at instilling the confidence in the student that they can work hard and achieve their goals. Mistakes and lower effort are tolerated as students become aware of themselves and expectations. As their skills and fitness develop so does the requirements for them to increase intensity in grading and display better technique.

Level 2 introduces more complex concepts and a greater expectation to aim higher and work harder. Some mistakes are tolerated but a greater display of technique recall and skill ability is required. For younger students (9-12yrs) this level is a where they typically decide stuff is too hard. Their doubts and confidence in their own abilities due mainly to age development kick in. It is important we build them up to maintain their self esteem and confidence.

As students progress into Level 3 & 4 long pattern sets are introduced, more complex movement and concepts around body control also become more prevalent. Weapons work is fully introduced. At this level the expectation on student intensity and skill level during grading assessment is higher than before. The recall capability and requirement to focus and practice is clear to all students. Without it, progression is simply not possible.

Level 5 students now are expected to be demonstrating maximum effort as well as skill. Execution of technique should start to become second nature with movement and techniques starting to blend in ways that suit the individual student. At gradings little leeway, if any, is now given for incorrect or forgotten technique. Overall a Level 5 student should display the best qualities of a students training.

The levels enable students of various learning and physical abilities to progress and achieve their goals. As students get higher in rank and level the expectation of their intensity, recall and execution of technique increases exponentially. This way we enable students to learn and develop themselves and catch them as they progress into higher levels without crushing their belief and confidence in themselves.

It is important to remember never to judge one students development against another without fully understanding their own personal learning, physical and personal circumstances which all have an impact in a students ability to perform under pressure. This does not mean a free ride is given but that students are evaluated below level 4 & 5, not just at grading day, but throughout classes.

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Little Dragons gradings

Grading is coming up and it can be a nervous time for students and parents. What is going to happen? How will my child do? Will I pass? I am not good enough? ahhh I made a mistake!! I can’t do it!!!

For our younger students who are part of the Little Dragons programme, it is important to understand that grading and receiving their belt is more about recognition of the effort and confidence to get up in front of instructors and everyone else and perform to the best of their ability. It is about saying all that hard work they put in class during the cycle has paid off rather than getting exact technique on the day.

Yes we want them to perform the curriculum requirements on the day but due to the varying development stages of children from 5 – 7 yrs it is natural some students will simply perform better than others. This is ok. Remember it is not about exact performance. It is about them trying and giving their best effort on the day, they need to step up and perform on the day to pass.

Reinforce to your child in the lead up and simply encourage them to perform to the best of their ability without comparing themselves to others. This will enable them to feel competent without feeling out of their depth.

Grading is all about showing real praise to the efforts the child makes and the process they follow that leads to the result. Praise the hard work a child did in preparing for the grading and how they diligently worked on areas that they knew were difficult for them.

Should they practice? Yes.
Should they have their stripes showing they could do the technique? Absolutely.
Should they be expected to try really hard and participate? Totally.
Do we expect them to have exact technique and perfection? Nope.
Do we want to see them TRY? 100% Yes.

I hope this helps pre-frame how we view our Little Dragon gradings and how you can help your child prepare for the big day. Any questions just ask.

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Foot positions for the perfect stance

An important part of your training is to stand correctly. With the correct foot positions, your body will be balanced and be able to move quickly. Bonus point for a good stance is the ability to generate power easily as well.

With this in mind, let’s look at the common foot positions and what is wrong with them. You can then look at your stance and adjust it to maximise your movement and power.

Too Wide

With this foot position, you will lose a lot of your reach potential as you lose your height. You will find the right-hand cross hard to use and generate minimal ower as you will have less rotation opportunity in your hips.

Too Narrow

This position will cause you to over-commit due to lowered hip rotation opportunities. You will find moving quickly difficult and you will be vulnerable to left and right hooks. Left hooks are the second most punch used so being susceptible to them is not good.

Too Square

You are opening your body up as one big open target. You risk being easily pushed backwards or tripping over your feet as you retreat. Your reach for your jab will be greatly diminished and you are open for shots to the body.

Too Narrow

The body can be an open target and you might find yourself easily falling backwards. You will find your reach is less with the jab and you are open to body shots.

Perfect

Strong, heels slightly raised.
Feet on the angle of 40-45 degrees.
This stance will generate a lot of power in your techniques. You will find your stability is strong as your weight should be evenly distributed across your legs.

So grab some electrical tap and mark a straight line on the floor. Assume your fighting stance and see where your feet are positioned. Adjust as you need to get the perfect stance.

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Punishment vs Discipline – Which is best to develop good behaviour?

Like everybody our youth have their own emotions and impulses. As adults, we sometimes forget they are building their own roadmap. Good behaviour is a learning process. Helping our youth know they are not on their own in building their future and we are there for them is important.

The funny thing we forget is that being a parent is a learning process too. Sometimes we rely too heavily on our own emotions and impulses which means that when a child misbehaves and we jump straight to punishment we are missing a valuable opportunity to teach them.

Discipline vs punishment is a fine line that if you can learn how to walk the tight rope (and it is hard) you will see amazing benefits.

Let’s compare the two words and what they actually mean:

  • Punishment – means to inflict pain or suffering as a penalty. 
  • Discipline – means to teach. 

When your child makes the same poor behaviour choices again and again it can be very frustrating for you as a parent. However, the better we respond the better the results we can expect. The better we respond and reinforce good behaviour skills, the better the results we will see in our youth’s decision. 

  • The first thing to do is to decide what you actually want to achieve. What are your goals for your child when they misbehave?
  • The primary short term goal is to get them to co-operate
  • Your second longer-term goal that is usually forgotten is that it is to teach them to make better choices without the threat of punishment or consequences.
  • Think PPI. Patient, Present, and Intentional when interacting with your child.

So when developing good behaviour skills how do punishment and discipline compare?

Punishment vs. Discipline:

  • Teach your child and they will develop self-discipline skills to manage their emotions and impulses. Punishment is behaviour shut down action.
  • Discipline will develop a higher level of trust and self-confidence.
  • When you punish you will build a proverbial wall and decrease trust and self-confidence.

It is important to develop a strategy and have it in place when you are faced with disciplining your child when they misbehave.

There are 3 key steps of discipline:

  1. CONNECT – this doesn’t mean to be permissible or passive, but to set clear expectations. When your child is upset they are less likely to hear what you have to say. As your child calms down emotionally and feels your caring approach you must be patient. You must try to remain as calm as possible which is the hardest but most stress-free way to discipline. 
  2. RE-DIRECT – spell out what the poor behaviour choice was. Follow that with what the better choice may have been. Engage and be fully present in this step as it is crucial to ensure they hear you and see you are there for them. 
  3. REPAIR – Once calm has been in place and the behaviour has been discussed then discuss necessary steps on how to solve the current behaviour problem, review better choices, and set ground rules should the poor behaviour choices continue. Show them you are there for them and in this together with them. 

A good tip is that it is better to say ‘consequences’ instead of ‘punishments’ so that you are setting your intentions as goal orientated and not pain orientated. One key thing to remember is that this strategy won’t work all the time, you need to have back up plans as well.

Once you have clearly outlined the ground rules consequences are ok if you have worked through the above 3 steps and your child still disobeys the ground rules.

The key though is to match the consequence to the behaviour and make sure it is considered a reasonable consequence. For example, if they lose their temper when using a device, take that device away for 24 hours. 

One thing to remember is that children do not sense time as adults do. A week is a long period of time and will probably trigger additional anger and rage. Smaller timeframes allow them time to remember and self-correct their behaviour. It also allows you opportunities to acknowledge the behaviour change back to the incident while it is freshly in mind for both of you reinforcing the good choices.

What consequences are not ok and will do more damage than good?

  • Retroactive ones. While taking away good things such as karate lessons may seem to be a good move because it’s an activity they like a lot and the pain of losing karate will teach them a valuable lesson, it’s actually doing the opposite. Taking things they like away may cause more bad behaviour and instilling long-term distrust for you. Also consider the fact that they lose all the positive benefits their karate class teaches them such as discipline, confidence, fitness, positive social interaction, and more. 
  • Decreasing their morale. As a child’s self-esteem and morale decrease the less chance you have of them believing and making proper choices. They lose trust in themselves and begin to believe they are simply incapable of making the right choice.

So, what do you do if you have a child that is misbehaving all the time with bits of rage, back-talking, and defying the rules? 

Map out with your child good behaviour strategies:

  • If they hit someone then they must write a letter apologising or meet face to face with a pre-framed apology.
  • If you throw something then you lose a personal item for 24 hours
  • If you use poor manners you write a letter apologising and explain the proper manners you should have used
  • If you cause drama at bedtime then you must go to bed earlier the next night.

You need to ensure that for your consequences to work that you also provide rewards. Reward them if they go a week without misbehaving. But remember the reward should not always be material things. Use more relationship building rewards more often. They can pick the family movie or place for family dinner.

I would suggest you sit down and make a list of rewards and consequences you can refer back to so that you are prepared.

Like any change in approach be prepared to give the new strategies time. You need to be reasonable in your expectation of how long it will take to consistently make better choices. There will be ups and downs but stick to the plan and the ups should quickly outweigh the downs.

I hope this article and these strategies help you and your child make better choices.

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