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MOTIVATE YOUR CHILD

It is a fine line we tread as parents between being motivational or pushy with our kids. How can we be supportive and help them when they hit an obstacle or are lacking that drive to succeed?

1 Take an interest

This is a great first step and it seems so obvious. Ask your child how their class was straight after it has finished. Was it fun, hard what were the highlights and so on. Try to avoid questions that will generate a one-word answer. Get them talking and engaging with you for ages after the class has ended. If you can watch their class and talk about the movements. Even play dumb, if need be, and get them to explain it to you. Be the student and get them to be the Sensei. Talk about how great they looked during the partner work in class or how that kick they have been working on looked fantastic. You must let them know you noticed their hard work and you can see them getting better and better.

2 Schedule practice time

If your child is struggling to practice at home it is time to make it more engaging. Get them to show you something they learned in class, or get them to teach you. This is a fun way to learn from a different angle. For the kids that love media film them on your phone and look back at their practice with hem. Use this to pinpoint things they could focus on when the practice. “See your knee, lift it a bit higher. Doesn’t Sensei say that makes you kick easier?” You know your child better than anyone so use their interests to create fun at home practice experiences anytime.

3 Table talk

The dinner table provides you with a great space to ask about life skill values that have been talked about in class and what they mean. Use this time to reinforce the principles. Bring up keywords, ask for examples. Show your child how these values have a place not only at the dojo but in all aspects of their lives.

4 Commitment

Kids are curious little beings. They like to look and experience many different things. Which sometimes makes it difficult for them to stick at one thing. It is important though to instil the value of commitment. If your child reaches a point in their martial arts journey where they have to miss some classes, or even quit altogether, this is a great time to have a chat about why. Use this time to share with them the value of commitment. Do they want to skip class because they don’t enjoy it as much as something else? Or is it something else that can be easily remedied?

5 Don’t compare

Everyone learns at different speeds. Everyone has different physical and sometimes mental limitations. It is important that if your child discusses their efforts in comparison to others that you stress these facts. Redirect the conversation to the positivity around themselves and how they did. Frustrations and disappointments may occur, this is normal. This is part of life. Talk to your child about the root of their frustration and calmly help them to create a positive relationship with their feelings.

6 You are not alone

Sometimes the martial arts world can seem daunting. Especially if you have never done anything like that yourself. But don’t forget you are not alone. Speak with other parents. Form training groups to instil fun practice. Set up playdates with outside of class. Take full advantage of the support system in place at the club. Query the instructors on anything to do with training, motivation etc

7 One size does not fit all

Please do not forget this. What works for one child will not necessarily work for another. The instructors at your school know this oh too well. You have to find the balance between being supportive but pushy. Given the option, the couch is usually the preference. So step up and make them do something and then use this to build them up.

I have never heard anyone complain about being pushed and getting their black belt. Never once. However many students have needed motivation and a push now and then to get there. Work together with your child when challenges arise. Tread the line carefully and watch them flourish.

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Little Dragons gradings

Grading is coming up and it can be a nervous time for students and parents. What is going to happen? How will my child do? Will I pass? I am not good enough? ahhh I made a mistake!! I can’t do it!!!

For our younger students who are part of the Little Dragons programme, it is important to understand that grading and receiving their belt is more about recognition of the effort and confidence to get up in front of instructors and everyone else and perform to the best of their ability. It is about saying all that hard work they put in class during the cycle has paid off rather than getting exact technique on the day.

Yes we want them to perform the curriculum requirements on the day but due to the varying development stages of children from 5 – 7 yrs it is natural some students will simply perform better than others. This is ok. Remember it is not about exact performance. It is about them trying and giving their best effort on the day, they need to step up and perform on the day to pass.

Reinforce to your child in the lead up and simply encourage them to perform to the best of their ability without comparing themselves to others. This will enable them to feel competent without feeling out of their depth.

Grading is all about showing real praise to the efforts the child makes and the process they follow that leads to the result. Praise the hard work a child did in preparing for the grading and how they diligently worked on areas that they knew were difficult for them.

Should they practice? Yes.
Should they have their stripes showing they could do the technique? Absolutely.
Should they be expected to try really hard and participate? Totally.
Do we expect them to have exact technique and perfection? Nope.
Do we want to see them TRY? 100% Yes.

I hope this helps pre-frame how we view our Little Dragon gradings and how you can help your child prepare for the big day. Any questions just ask.

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How to create your own Vision Board
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How to create your vision board – What do you want?

As we continue our discussion from classes on goal setting we move into the realm of vision boards. A vision board is one of the most powerful weapons in your arsenal of life. Understanding what you want to achieve and have happen, and being able to visualise it is extremely powerful. Without a target to aim for you simply drift through life. Achieving this, not doing that, but not focusing on what you really want to have happen.

A vision board is a great tool and one supported by just about every successful person on the planet. But how do you create one?

Luckily I have some insights for you. There are many ways and types of vision boards and they can be laid out any way that suits you and with any number of items. Let’s make a simple 9 quadrant one.

1. Grab an A4 sheet of paper.

2. Fold it into thirds then fold it in half. You should now have 6 quadrants when you unfold it.

3. Starting top left to right and working our way down number them 1 – 9

4. In each quadrant write the following words – 1. REWARD, 2. DESIRE, 3. MENTAL, 4. RELATIONSHIPS, 5. PERSONAL, 6. FAMILY, 7. WORK, 8. MATERIAL, 9. TRAVEL

5. Now grab another sheet and write 5-6 things for each heading. Take the first thing that comes to mind when you read the words written down. It can be anything. Now write short(6 months or less) or long term(more than 6 months) next to each one.

6. We are going to create a 6-month board. Of your 6 items pick the top 3 you would like to achieve in the next 6 months.

7. Go to the internet and search in Google for the 3 items you have written down. Grab any pictures or words that you find that envisions the item you have written down.

8. Here is the tricky part. You can either print out the pictures and cut them to shape or if you have access to a graphic software package like photoshop you can use this. Arrange the words & images you selected in each corresponding quadrant. Don’t worry about neatness but focus on your internal expression.

Hey, presto. You now have a Vision Board of your own. Place it up somewhere you can see it every day. I have mine on my wall in the shower and as a background of my computer screen.

Take the time every day to look at your board. Perhaps focus on one area. Dream of your goal. Picture yourself achieving that goal. Then go do your day. Watch what happens over time.

You can make Vision boards for any length of time but you must revisit them. Reassess your goals and create new boards every time from scratch. The effort of creation solidifies the desired outcome in your mind’s eye.

I would love to see your Vision Board and if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask. The only thing that holds you back from achieving everything you want is yourself. So why would you hold yourself back?

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5 ways to build focus

5 ways to improve your own or your child’s focus

Being able to concentrate and focus is one of the most important skills for anyone to learn. It relies on self-regulation and understanding how to be in the moment.

Many studies say how well a child can navigate life depends on their ability to self-regulate. It determines their ability to use tools in their toolbox for life and create successful social interactions.

There is a lot of evidence that clearly shows that self-regulators are more likely to be school-ready, have a greater sense of well being and will see greate academic success beyond their childhood years.

So what is it that self-regulators know that others don’t?

  • They understand that success or failure is under their control not governed by external forces. They are accountable for their own decisions.
  • They see failure as the fertilizer that develops success. 
  • They understand that success involves practice and hard work. That these cannot be avoided but should be embraced as the pay off for putting in the effort will well be worth it. 
  • Self-regulators will generally take on more challenges than others.
  • Self-regulated learners are generally more at peace, happier and successful in life
  • Self-regulation is all about teaching kids in particular how to follow instructions and persist even when they encounter enormous challenges. They understand they will find a way to overcome the challenges and reap the rewards.
  • Self-regulated children can listen, pay attention, think, strategise and then act.

But how do you build self-regulation into your own or your child’s life?

Generally, there are three components to building self-regulation into your life that will improve your focus and concentration.

  1. Develop a working memory. This means learning how to hold information in your memory while taking in new information.
  2. Develop mental flexibility. There are always many ways to reach the end goal. Being able to think outside the box and flex your mental muscle on different possible journeys and strategies is great for building mental flexibility.
  3. Develop self-control. Learn and understand appropriate behaviours rather than just doing whatever you want to do. This means you need to be able to evaluate your environment, your audience and then behave appropriately to interact or communicate.

Developing and applying self-regulation strategies at home is easily achieved. Applying these tools will help your childs focus and concentration and build those life long regulatory skills. Here are a few games you can play that reinforce these strategies.

  1. Play Simon Says. Paying attention, listening and follow directions is critical to the success of this game. It will help your childs concentration levels.
  2. Heads shoulders knees and toes. We all know this game. Listening, Identification, Concentration, being in the moment and focusing are all key elements. However, you can take the benefits of this game up a notch if you get the players to do the opposite of what is asked. Saying Touch your head means touch your toes. Flex that mental muscle.
  3. Opposites. Improving concentrate and mental flexibility is achieved in this game by showing a picture and asking the child to say the opposite of what they see. For example, show a card that displays the moon. You would expect the answer to be the sun.
  4. Colouring in. Colouring in sheets have been used for years to develop concentration and focus in children. Staying in the lines. Imagination expression. Colour management. Storytelling all come from simple coloring-in sheets. Take it up a level using Mandela’s. Circular complex abstract designs with evenly distributed patterns. these create a feeling of balance and harmony and are a great way to calm stressed kids who are looking for structure and balance in their lives.
  5. Freeze. Dance along to music and then freeze when the music stops. Like musical chairs. Dance slowly to slow songs and fast to fast songs to connect rhythms and movement. When this is mastered flip the script and dance slow to fast and fast to slow. But don’t forget to freeze when the music stops. Concentrate and control.

The 5 simple games above will help develop great self-regulation skills and improve focus and concentration even in the oldest kid. Have fun bonding and playing these simple games and watch what happens over time. You may even notice variations on the above games within our martial arts classes. Flex your mental muscle and see what you can see.

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What we do – hidden in plain sight

It can be hard sometimes to figure out what is going on from the sidelines. It can be tricky to understand why an instructor is reacting a certain way to certain behaviour at times. Be assured there is method to the madness and reasons behind everything.

You, as parents, are paying for your children to attend and learn valuable skills that cover so many aspects of their mental and physical development. We would be reticent to not take your trust carefully and seriously and be uncompromising in our approach to instilling the values we, and you, believe are important.

So it may be useful to provide some insight into some of the lessons and skills we are teaching at many stages throughout a class.

Water bottles, Karate bag, Mouthguard etc: This is the students responsibility. These items are theirs and they need to be responsible for preparing and bringing the items they know they need. No one else is.

Badges: These are not given, these are earnt. If a student wants a certain badge they need to work for it and can always come and ask for it. If they don’t receive a badge but someone else does then they learn self-reflection and awareness of their own behaviour or efforts.

Gradings: All about handling pressure, overcoming anxiety, having the right “I can” attitude, putting in 100% effort to achieve. Goal setting and accomplishment.

Stripes: Short term goals and achievements. Effort and reward. No effort no reward. Conquering the mountain is a journey of many small steps.

Back of the mat bowing in: This is usually as a student has arrived late to class. By having to wait at the back of the mat and be bowed in they are learning Respect of instructors and other people, punctuality, and responsibility. That they need to ensure they are ready so they can get to class on time.

Performing in front of others: This is a really hard thing to do but is such a great accomplishment. Overcoming anxiety and nerves. Developing confidence and self-belief and the ability to perform under pressure. Wait until they have to turn round and face their peers. Whole other ball game ;)

Hard intense exercise: This builds mental toughness as well as physical strength. A determination to push beyond what they think they can do and develop the self-belief that they can achieve anything they are determined to work hard for.

Sparring: This is tough for a lot of students but there are real reasons why a student must spar. It develops confidence, the inner strength of character, situational awareness being in the moment, speed & movement, strategy, resilience, and control.

Partner drills: It is all about working together to be better. Problem-solving, leadership and coaching where you can help you and your partner.

Games: Reinforcement of principles and techniques. Awareness and agility to respond. Strategic thinking. Working together. Developing motor skills. Healthy competition and most of all some FUN!!

Website videos: These are provided to give students the ability to be the masters of their own achievements. They are responsible for their ability and there are no excuses as the tools are provided. This drives a great attitude, foresight by looking at other videos, learning and additional information-seeking behaviours.

Not addressing mis-behaviour by others: We are teaching them to recognise inappropriate behaviours in themselves and others. To develop the courage to speak up and use their voice so that they are simply not letting others do things they know that they shouldn’t be doing or will end up affecting them.

Sitting in seiza, eyes closed: Meditation, calmness and control. Breathing and reflection. Quieten the heart and mind.

Whole class attitudes: If a class of students is not focusing and displaying inappropriate behaviour, then this needs to be addressed, and sometimes sternly. They need to understand that there is a code of conduct in life and at the dojo that they need to adhere to. Some children take this hard as Sensei is an authoritative figure they look up to in their lives and the telling off or expression of disappointment can really hit home for them. But there is a reason, albeit very rarely, a class will be told off on mass. Certain students may be the cause but it is the responsibility of the group as a whole to help and guide each other if they know someone is not doing what they should. Standing by and watching when you could have done something about it is all too common these days.

The Martial Arts: The ability to have some insight on how to defend yourself, avoid and diffuse situations. Confidence and belief in your abilities. Pride and humbleness and emotional control. Patience.

These are some of the things we are constantly trying to reinforce in many ways. There are many others buried all over the place.

LEARNING – SCHOOL WORK – RESPECT – SELF CONTROL – GOALS – DISCIPLINE – INTEGRITY – FOCUS – CONFIDENCE – BETTER DECISIONS – FITNESS AND HEALTH – FAMILY – STRANGER DANGER and much more…

Hopefully, this gives some insight into what is happening in any given class. Any and all actions have an underlying meaning and are focused on our core belief of inspiring the best that is within everyone.

We are not going get it right 100% of the time, we are human. But if you ever have any concerns or questions please feel free to contact Sensei Chris at any time to discuss them.

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Free yourself from anxiety with martial arts

Anxiety and the Martial Arts

Anxiety. It is a horrible sensation. Everyone experiences it at some point in their life to varying degrees.

Whether it is planning an event, preparing for a job interview or getting married, we all find ourselves on the edge of reason now and then. But what do you do if that feeling does not go away? That your children constantly experience stress? Martial arts can help.

Anxiety in Adults
Sometimes as adults we don’t realise the extent of our issues. You may be suffering from chronic anxiety and not even know it. A lot of the time, as adults we like to deflect and blame our stress on outside elements or that we are so busy we just haven’t had time to decompress.e This might be true but no matter how much relaxation you get you may find your stress levels remain high or jump back to a high level quickly when you are back to your normal routine.

Disorders that relate to anxiety can have not just emotional and mental effects but physical as well. Constant tiredness due to poor sleep patterns, twitching muscles, frequent colds, and illness are all sure-fire indicators that you are overstressed. When these symptoms drag on you need to seek medical advice.

Anxiety in your child
Anxiety can be hard to spot in children. They have not yet developed the tools or language to handle and describe the emotions they are experiencing.
Common symptoms in children of anxiety can be seen in poor impulse control, disruptive behaviour or dropping grades at school. It can easily be misinterpreted as shyness in kids. You want to encourage your child to express their feelings in healthy, productive ways and to try and communicate through pictures or play. One activity that works well for children suffering from chronic anxiety, just like adults, is martial arts.

How can it help?
Most martial arts practice involves a hefty amount of physical activity which is a great way for people of all ages to release pent-up energy and aggression. Chronic anxiety often manifests as panic attacks, aggression and/or breakdowns. Martial arts requires bursts of high energy which is great at dealing with lingering tension. The physical exertion, just like a good gym workout, encourages endorphin production, which is proven to directly improve brain function, moods, emotion control, and help promote sound sleep patterns.
While martial arts employ many physical benefits it is the psychological ones that provide the most benefit.

It does not matter the “style” or “system” you do, discipline, belief, and self-trust are going to be a huge focus. Martial Arts teaches people to work with their instincts and make confident decisions quickly. Applying this skill outside of the dojo in your day to day lives at work, school or at home tend to find the ability to not dwell on decisions helps them reduce their tension and stress.

Martial Arts can help with your anxiety

Healthy activities like martial arts can help chronically anxious children and adults in healthy productive ways. Whether it is being used just as a physical outlet for stress or also for the many mental benefits such as self-esteem, confidence, discipline, decision making, focus, courage and performing under pressure.

Anxiety is a horrible chronic disorder that has a massive impact in the lives of those it affects. Seek help and advice if you think you or your children are suffering from anxiety. It is better to ask for help sooner rather than have to overcome greater obstacles later.

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